I cant be the only one who follows Whitney from Naptural85 on YouTube. Her videos are always so helpful and fun to watch. In this video, she shows how she makes her famous nutrient packed hair and body oil. I am always trying to find the right combination of natural oils to use in my […]
Today I watched a lovely presentation by a woman who gave a multitude of reasons why women should make the first move in approaching potential suitors. Honestly, she made a lot of great points. She even wrapped up her talk by giving a simple, easy to follow method for starting conversations with potential boo-thangs.
When the video was over, I felt a little unsettled. Not necessarily because I disagreed with her method, but I felt like there needed to be a little more conversation on how to approach this strategy in a way where the woman avoids any potential pitfalls.
Here's what I mean.... I understand why women are being advised to become comfortable with making the first move. Some men aren't comfortable in talking to women in real life. Not to mention that sometimes the only men that come up to us aren't exactly who we're attracted to. It's tempting to want to take the bull by the horns and go after the guys that we want for once!
As a single woman, I can only recall one instance where I made the first move. I was barely in my early twenties when I saw a guy who I thought was absolutely gorgeous. Typically, I'd play coy but on this occasion, I boldly decided to approach him to start a conversation. He was cordial enough and smiled as I tried to make banter. Eventually, I walked away with his phone number (he didn't ask me for mine).
Days later, I mustered up the courage to actually try to call him and.......guess what.......he gave me the wrong number.
Yep, that's right, he swerved me.
I had made one of the biggest mistakes in how to successfully approach a man by not gauging his behavior to see if he was also showing interest.
From that day I swore to never approach a man I'm interested in ever again.
The story doesn't stop there....
Years later, I was hanging out with a friend when a car pulled over so the guy in the vehicle could grab my friend's attention. While they were chatting another guy in the car got out so he could speak to me. He was all smiles as he tried his best to make a great first impression upon approach.
Except there was one problem.
He wasn't making a first impression because it was the same guy who gave me the wrong number years ago. The more he tried to get to know me, the more I realized that he had absolutely no idea that he was talking to a girl he brushed off years earlier. Eventually, I let him in on why I was giving him the side eye the entire time. At first, he didn't believe that I tried to talk to him but I refreshed his memory by rehashing personal information about him (like his birthday being on Christmas). Once the truth was revealed he apologized profusely and continued to try to make a connection. I was in a relationship at the time so I politely informed him of my current status.
I saw him one more time after that. His friend came to visit my friend and he happened to come along. The entire time he tried to pursue something with me even though he knew I was off the market. Looking back, I ask myself, "had I experienced the ultimate glow up" that even a guy who knowingly gave me the wrong number was now interested?
Honestly, I doubt that my glow up had that much to do with it. Perhaps I looked different, but I think the change in his behavior may have to do with the fact most men prefer to be one pursuing. You've heard it said a bunch of times that men are the hunters. When I played the hunter role, this guy came off a shy. Truth is, he just wasn't that interested. Once the roles were reversed, I practically had to pawn him off to another friend (who he ignored) to get him to chill. When an animal is on the hunt, I'm guessing that certain parts of their brain are stimulated which enhances the experience. The object he's hunting now suddenly becomes the prize.
If you approach a man, does that make still make you the prize? Maybe, but you could also be seen as an easy kill. It's important to identify the difference.
When I worked in corporate America, I did a bunch of recruiting. Sometimes we would screen countless resumes and invite qualified candidates to interview. On rare occasions, we would go out to recruit potential candidates from rival companies. Both methods were effective, but sometimes we'd make better selections when the candidates were coming to us.
And I'll tell you why....
When we're approached by people interested in us, we take on the position of power. Suddenly we are in the driver's seat. When a man approaches us, we begin the fleshing out process. Our minds are on the defensive about whether this person might be worth getting to know a little better. But when we make the first move, the goal is now to secure the next step. We're no longer judging him as hard was if he were the one to make the first contact.
People who are "recruited" see themselves as desirable those doing the recruiting...and they are.
Often times this meant they didn't have to work as hard as those who sought out the position and applied for it. I noticed that managers were a bit more lenient with hires that they sought out. They kept them in their positions even when it was clear that things weren't working out.
I'm here to remind the ladies who chose to make the first move to avoid the possible pitfalls of overestimating someone's potential simply based on initial appearances. It's ok to make the first move, but keep your eyes and ears peeled. Be friendly, but still maintain your awareness of what makes a person a great fit for you. A man who's approached by a woman will be flattered. This could lead to him making assumptions about your intentions with him. Approaching a man should only serve the purpose of opening up the conversation. After that, you must objectively figure out his true level of interest in you. If he's genuinely interested, don't automatically assume that he's the one simply because you picked him out. It's important to allow him opportunities to show his interest by making the first move in phone communication, setting up dates, etc.
And please, don't be like the managers who were slow to pull the trigger with bad hires because they were convinced they had an eye for identifying a good fit based on first impressions. If this guy is a dud, move on and do it quickly. Do not invest extra time into a man who doesn't view you as a prize.
It's fine to build up your confidence by experimenting with breaking the ice with men you're interested in. But once you do, you have to reverse roles immediately to allow him the opportunity to reveal his level of interest.
Introduce yourself and which salon if any do you work with… Hello my name is Shantel Bailey and I am Self-Employed. I have been licensed for 3 years and studied at Georgia Career Institute. I specialize in braids, relaxed hair and natural hair. What in your opinion is the most rewarding thing about working as […]
Being smart with your natural hair products is the only way to get the best out of them in the price area. Some pricier brands are worth the extra cash but aren’t necessary for your week to week washes. Sometimes we buy those extra special hair products that cost more than we would like but […]
While on the phone with a friend, she informed me of the skin woes that she's been experiencing recently. Her normally perfect skin was going haywire. Suddenly she was breaking out and her pores were constantly congested.
Without looking at her skin, I made the uneducated hypothesis that her skin was reacting to newly warmer weather. A lot of things happen when temperatures rise. Hot weather prompts our pores to produce excess oil which can lead to blockage and breakouts. Not to mention that our skin might be a little congested from the dead skin cells that accumulate over the winter.
Warmer weather wakes the skin up again. And if we aren't careful, it could mean whiteheads and breakouts that seem to come out of nowhere.
Today, I'm here to offer a solution. And that solution is possibly the opposite of what you might have in mind. I'd like to propose that you implement a new step into your cleansing routine that might give you the smoothest skin you've ever had.
Now might be the perfect time to incorporate oil cleansing into your regimen.
Hear me out....
I'm aware that your skin might be producing more oil than normal and the thought of cleansing with oil is terrifying. But, I promise you that oil cleansing comes with numerous benefits that your skin will thoroughly enjoy.
If you aren't familiar, oil cleansing is the process of "cleansing" your skin using a facial oil. Essentially, you apply a small amount of oil on your face and proceed to massage it in for a few minutes. Something magical happens during that massage. Normal cleansers do their best to remove dirt and oil on the skin's surface. But what about the stuff that lays below the surface? Normally, oil trapped deep in the pores is inaccessible. With oil cleansing, everything is possible!
The combination of the massaging action and the oil causes our skin to somehow release dried up oil plugging our pores. This typically happens when we invest enough time into our oil facial massage. When I consistently oil cleanse before every wash, my skin practically transforms in days.
Clear skin isn't possible if our pores aren't happy. Oil cleansing really works wonders with the pores.
That's only half of it, oil cleansing also involves one of my favorite anti-aging practices of all time....facial massage. Without facial massage, our faces lose muscle tone and may show signs of aging prematurely. Oil cleansing gives us the opportunity to kill 2 birds with one stone.
I love jojoba and coconut oil for cleansing but feel free to play around with various options until your skin finds its perfect match. I see that a lot of people are using hemp seed oil to cleanse and I'm excited to give it a try. Another benefit this unique cleansing process is that our skin better retains moisture. Trace amounts of oil are left on the skin after you wash with your favorite cleanser. Since the skin has oil present on the surface, it produces less of it.
No one talks about this but there's also the possibility that you're feeding your skin the antioxidants, nutrients and essential fatty acids present in plant oil. As you take time to massage these oils into your unplugged pores, perhaps your skin will absorb some of the nutrient-rich goodness plant oils have to offer.
If your is acne prone, oil cleansing might be the answer to all of your prayers.
I recommend you try oil cleansing before bed as the perfect method to remove all of the dirt, oil, and product residue from that day. To get the most out of your cleanse, use a little steam to open the pores at the start of the process. Do this regularly and enjoy your smoothest skin ever.
from BELLEMOCHA.com http://www.bellemocha.com/2019/06/how-to-use-oil-to-get-your-most.html
The other day we posted a picture of a gentleman on Facebook who had what is called a two strand twist style on locs. Frankly I have never heard of such a thing because in my family most of the men with locs do what is called free form locs, kind of like Bob Marley. […]
What do you typically do after a big meal or after splurging on sweets? If you're like me, you might experience a post-meal crash that leads drives you to lay perfectly still on the couch. We're also bombarded with suggestions telling us to sit still after a meal to allow the food to digest.
Resting after a big meal may like solid advice but, thanks to modern research, we're learning that this may not be the best approach....especially if you are trying to manage your weight.
Here's why. When we consume a high carb/high sugar meal, our blood sugar levels increase. At this point, our bodies have a decision to make. Either store the sugar as fat or move it into the muscles to be used as energy (glycogen). Can you guess the determining factor as to whether our sugar is stored or utilized?
Activity!
Yes that's right....instead of chilling on a couch after splurging on sweets, it's time to get moving! I'm not talking about a full workout, all you need is a short bout of activity post meals to keep our carbs from automatically converting directly into fat.
A group of study participants were asked to take a 15-minute walk after each meal. This group was compared to another group who took a 45-minute walk either late morning or before dinner. Guess who had lower blood sugar levels? The intermittent walking group performed better. In a separate study, they found that individuals (without diabetes) had 2X the amount of sugar in their bloodstream after a meal if they were sedentary after a meal vs taking a short walk.
If I have a really busy day, I may not get to do any physical activity until the end of the day. Any activity is better than none but there is a difference if I'm sedentary all day then work out in the evening.
Managing your blood sugar levels one meal at a time is a superior strategy. Italians have this habit of walking for a few minutes after meals which probably helps them avoid putting on too many pounds after their high carb entrees. One study I read even suggests that we don't wait start moving after meals. They even found that activity conducted immediately after eating lowered blood sugar better than moving 30 minutes or later after the food was consumed. This means that once our food is done, we can wash dishes, to some mild housework or even take a short walk around the block.
Even if you don't have the opportunity to incorporate activity after every single meal, you can add this routine after, especially heavy dinners. Don't just eat, unwind on the couch, then go to bed. That's a recipe for weight gain. If you get bloated after meals, you absolutely need to do this because it helps ramp up your digestion.
Too much sugar and triglycerides floating around in our bloodstream only leads to extra pounds and long-term heart issues.
I cant be the only one who follows Whitney from Naptural85 on YouTube. Her videos are always so helpful and fun to watch. In this video, she shows how she makes her famous nutrient packed hair and body oil. I am always trying to find the right combination of natural oils to use in my […]
Introduce yourself and which salon if any do you work with… Hello my name is Shantel Bailey and I am Self-Employed. I have been licensed for 3 years and studied at Georgia Career Institute. I specialize in braids, relaxed hair and natural hair. What in your opinion is the most rewarding thing about working as […]
Being smart with your natural hair products is the only way to get the best out of them in the price area. Some pricier brands are worth the extra cash but aren’t necessary for your week to week washes. Sometimes we buy those extra special hair products that cost more than we would like but […]
The other day we posted a picture of a gentleman on Facebook who had what is called a two strand twist style on locs. Frankly I have never heard of such a thing because in my family most of the men with locs do what is called free form locs, kind of like Bob Marley. […]
